ON FEELING SADNESS THROUGH TRAGEDY
This past week has been hard.
Hard on the heart. Hard on hope. Hard on my community. Tomorrow marks one week since the shooting in the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh.
When we’re sad, nervous, or scared, humans often retreat. We want to stay alone because we are afraid of not being understood, concerned with being judged, and being shamed.
The irony is that the magic of coming out of tragedy and sadness is often through togetherness.
Today’s blog is answering one of the questions I get the most in my practice – “What should I do when I feel sad?”
People try to avoid sadness at all costs (Pass the wine! Dive into work until 10pm! Hang out with people who are boring!) Sadness feels heavy. It hurts. It can also lead to feeling hopeless and helpless. It is also just a feeling and, like all feelings, it can pass. Here are my top 3 ways to feel through sadness.
Do not make it wrong. All feelings are created equal! We never tell ourselves “stop being happy!” but we fight feeling sad or getting too down. Do not make feeling sad wrong. Feeling sad is just a part of you (and an important part). Practice feeling sad without judgement. Say to yourself, “I feel sad now and that’s ok”. The best way to get rid” of feelings is to feel them through. Sit in it. Feel your sadness.
Community. As people, we are inherently relational. We need relationships – it makes us happier, calmer, and healthier. When we’re feeling sad, it’s important to seek out community and connection with others for ourselves. This can be anything from your Sunday brunch group to a non-profit where you volunteer. Being part of something bigger helps us feel more supported by each other.
Self-care. We throw around the words self-care and we think it has a fluffy meaning. Self-care is not just manicures and beach vacations. Self-care is an extremely personal and spiritual practice. The way each of us takes care of ourselves is unique. When do you feel the most calm? When do you feel the most loved? When do you feel the most confident? Take actions towards feeling the way you want to feel is your ultimate roadmap to self-care.
It is my hope that we come together to heal. It is my hope that we ultimately use our sadness for good. It is my hope that we honor our feelings, engage in community, and exercise radical self-care during these trying times.